The first thing I noticed is that I am unable to determine the company that actually made this toy. There is no company name or logo anywhere on the packaging. The only information I was able to find was that, as most of Dollar Tree’s products, it was distributed by Greenbrier International, Inc. The fabled Greenbrier International, Inc organization seems to be one of those Where's-Waldo-type organizations that deal only with Chinese or other foreign merchants and nearly impossible to find any information on. I did a few searches online but came up short.
I was able to find a thread about the company and a poster said:
“If anyone has luck finding out the contact info for "Distributed by Greenbrier International, Inc. Chesapeake, VA 23320. Please let me know. I do not think this company is accessible. Products are made in China. Somewhere there is several layers involved, which means no one may know anything and everyone will know nothing. Good Luck”
Well, as I read the entry above the realization hit me that by reviewing this I am placing my life in peril for you; my only friends and loyal reads… yes, I realize there are no readers… shut up… Anyway, given all the lead poisonings that have originated in China recently I was a little apprehensive to open the package. But screw it! I let my children play with similar toys all the time and aside from a couple extra limbs and the absence of pigment they’re all right.
Ahoy matey… or ARGH! Whichever; but there you have it. The ruthless captain in all his glory and ready to set sail in his plastic/wooden pirate raft in search for buried treasures and larger than life adventures. Oddly, our fearless captain has a freakish resemble to the beloved Sloth from The Goonies.
Unfortunately, Captain Sloth’s weapons of choice are cartoonishly disproportionate to his size. That freakin’ hand cannon alone would be enough to take over most of Libya with a single shot. That and the fact that Captain Sloth has what appears to be a sock puppet for a left hand explains the reason he sails around in a raft rather than a bonafide pirate ship!
The raft, which for a Dollar Tree toy is rather detailed and well put together, does have a rather cool pirate design on its sail. This is the type of pirate skull that strikes fear in the heart of the wicked!
Additionally the raft comes with enough detail which not only includes the two paddles but actual paddle “holes” (or whatever they’re called). Unfortunately the paddles do not fit through the holes or if they do I was unable to figure out how. Not that it matters since Captain Sloth’s raft is not buoyant and sank faster than the New Kids on the Block comeback.
Lastly we have the palm tree…. It’s a palm tree. Enough said.
Since Captain Sloth’s limbs cannot be moved at all, the weapons are ridiculously big, the raft does not float and he has a sock puppet instead of a parrot (or left hand) I’d say the chances of any kid having fun with this toy are as much as playing with a stick of incense. When I purchased this I noticed there were no additional Pirate sets which means Captain Sloth, Socko and any unfortuate kid who happens to get this will never find other pirates to play with.
Score:
